一切都会变成习惯

我现在正在darling的家。早上起来时有一种很不好的预感。最近他说话的方式不一样了。不知道是为什么。我在想是不是因为开始熟了所以没有那么拘谨。是不是因为熟了所以就不在对我我千依百顺。你推开我的手的那一刻，我知道那不会是最后一次，也不是无意的。我跟自己说，一切都会变成习惯。习惯就好。过一阵子就不会那么在意了。

我会怀念你紧紧把我抱在床上的时候，告诉着我你有多幸福。

我会怀念起床后继续赖床的我们，谁都不舍得离开那幸福的被窝。

我会怀念赶你去刷牙的时候。那时的我只是想独占整张床。

我会记得和你抢包诊的时候。

记得你每晚都比我早睡，可是却永远比我迟起。

记得你帮我盖被的时候。

记得你我睡在那小小的床上，互相望着对方的样子。

记得你的眼睛。

记得你睡着时所发出的声音。

当一切还没有变成习惯之前，我会记得这一切。就算有一天我们不在像现在这样，至少我还记得我们曾经是这样。

我讨厌这种习惯。

但我没有选择。

蜻蜓的故事

在一个非常宁静而美丽的小城，有一对非常恩爱的恋人，他们每天都去海边看日出，晚上去海边送夕阳，每个见过他们的人都向他们投来羡慕的目光。

可是有一天，在一场车祸中，女孩不幸受了重伤，她静静地躺在医院的病床上，几天几夜都没有醒过来。白天，男孩就守在床前不停地呼唤毫无知觉的恋人；晚上，他就跑到小城的教堂里向上帝祷告，他已经哭干了眼泪。
一个月过去了，女孩仍然昏睡着，而男孩早已憔悴不堪了，但他仍苦苦地支撑着。终于有一天，上帝被这个痴情的男孩感动了。于是他决定给这个执着的男孩 一个例外。上帝问他：“你愿意用自己的生命作为交换吗？”男孩毫不犹豫地回答：“我愿意！”上帝说：“那好吧，我可以让你的恋人很快醒过来，但你要答应化 作三年的蜻蜓，你愿意吗？”男孩听了，还是坚定地回答道：“我愿意！”

天亮了，男孩已经变成了一只漂亮的蜻蜓，他告别了上帝便匆匆地飞到了医院。女孩真的醒了，而且她还在跟身旁的一位医生交谈着什么，可惜他听不到。
几天后，女孩便康复出院了，但是她并不快乐。她四处打听着男孩的下落，但没有人知道男孩究竟去了哪里。女孩整天不停地寻找着，然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩却 无时无刻不围绕在她身边，只是他不会呼喊，不会拥抱，他只能默默地承受着她的视而不见。夏天过去了，秋天的凉风吹落了树叶，蜻蜓不得不离开这里。于是他最 后一次飞落在女孩的肩上。他想用自己的翅膀抚摸她的脸，用细小的嘴来亲吻她的额头，然而他弱小的身体还是不足以被她发现。

转眼间，春天来了，蜻蜓迫不及待地飞回来寻找自己的恋人。然而，她那熟悉的身影旁站着一个高大而英俊的男人，那一刹那，蜻蜓几乎快从半空中坠落下 来。人们讲起车祸后女孩病得多么的严重，描述着那名男医生有多么的善良、可爱，还描述着他们的爱情有多么的理所当然，当然也描述了女孩已经快乐如从前。

蜻蜓伤心极了，在接下来的几天中，他常常会看到那个男人带着自己的恋人在海边看日出，晚上又在海边看日落，而他自己除了偶尔能停落在她的肩上以外，什么也做不了。

这一年的夏天特别长，蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飞着，他已经没有勇气接近自己昔日的恋人。她和那男人之间的喃喃细语，他和她快乐的笑声，都令他窒息。

第三年的夏天，蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的恋人了。她的肩被男医生轻拥着，脸被男医生轻轻地吻着，根本没有时间去留意一只伤心的蜻蜓，更没有心情去怀念过去。

上帝约定的三年期限很快就要到了。就在最后一天，蜻蜓昔日的恋人跟那个男医生举行了婚礼。

蜻蜓悄悄地飞进教堂，落在上帝的肩膀上，他听到下面的恋人对上帝发誓说：我愿意！他看着那个男医生把戒指戴到昔日恋人的手上，然后看着他们甜蜜地亲吻着。蜻蜓流下了伤心的泪水。

上帝叹息着：“你后悔了吗？”蜻蜓擦干了眼泪：“没有！”上帝又带着一丝愉悦说：“那么，明天你就可以变回你自己了。”蜻蜓摇了摇头：“就让我做一辈子蜻蜓吧……”

有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远不会有好结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就一定要好好去爱他。你的肩上有蜻蜓吗？

time..please walk faster..

I am missing you again..

Why am I so clingy?

I thought I would be different from other girls..

It was just a thought.

today is thursday.. still got two days..

hais.

Can time just pass faster.. =(

dun ever leave me alone..

I was reading this blog http://memyselfmine.blogspot.com . and I cried painfully. I cried so hard that I feel that I had difficulty in breathing now. I couldn’t stop myself from tearing even when I am typing this entry. I totally sympathize with the writer. She had just lost her beloved boyfriend around 50days ago. Her bf went to Brunei for army training, and unfortunately he is never going to come back and is leaving her forever.

While I was reading I was thinking that if my darling is going to leave me now and is not coming back forever how would I react. That was part of the reason why did I weep so terribly. If he is going to leave me now I think that I might just follow him suit. I am not sure whether I am able to lead my life without him. Even though we are together for only one and a half month, I just want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him so dearly that I could not afford to lose him.

I thought I am not a clingy person and that I can still survive very well even without a guy. But after I have him, I realize I am just a woman. A woman who needs to be doted, who needs a man to wipe off her tears, who needs someone to cuddle her in bed, hug her to sleep and kiss her goodnight, who needs a man to spend the rest of the life with her.

Darling,

I’ll need you to msg me everyday to ask me “wad u doing now?”

I’ll need you to hug me, kiss me, and tell me that you will never leave me alone.

I’ll need to feel ur presence.

I need you to help me with all my daily life stuff. Help me to choose a laptop, buy a printer with me and all.

I will need you to send me home when it is late and night.

I’ll need you to coax me to go home when I refused to leave your car

I still want to do a lot of things with you

I need you to be around when I am happy or sad.

I want to share everything with you

I want to remove blackheads with you.

I want to hold your hands everywhere i go even when we are old and frail.

I want to stroll in the park together with you with our grandchildren

Please stay healthily by my side and promise me you will never leave me alone.

I really love you.

I love you so much that I dunno who else I can rely on other than you

Please do not leave me ever ever.

I cannot imagine how my days will be like without you..

I cannot..

I really cannot live without you..

And I do not want to live without you..

我可以自私一点吗。。

不可以！你要坚强一点。你不是一直以来都很独立的吗！？为什么有了男朋友就那么的想依靠他！唉。 我又开始想你了。开学后我们会变得怎样呢。。我想我大概会每天一直狂想你！我会不会因此而疯掉啊！？！

心里有种无法形容的烦感！

我担心开学后在学校交不到朋友。

担心自己无法应付课业。

担心我无法进入理想的科目。

担心没办法适应大学的生活。

担心自己因为太想你而想到疯掉。

担心在不同的地方上课，认识新的朋友后彼此会有改变。

我不是对你没有信心，而是对我自己没有信心。

因为曾经失败过，我花了很大的勇气才重新站起来。

我没有信心能把你留在我身边。

就算有一天你决定要离开我， 我也不会阻止。。

因为我知道，如果我爱你，我就不应该自私的把你留在我身边。

倘若我不是那个可以给你幸福的人，我就不应该阻止你去找寻你的幸福。

都是你。

谁改变了我的世界
没有方向没有日夜
我看着天这一刻在想你
是否会对我一样思念
你曾说我们有一个梦
等到那天我们来实现
我望着天在心中默默念
下一秒你出现在眼前
想念的心装满的都是你
我的钢琴弹奏的都是你
我的日记写满的都是你的名
才发现又另一个黎明

你曾说我们有一个梦
等到那天我们来实现
我望着天在心中默默念
下一秒你出现在眼前
想念的心装满的都是你
我的钢琴弹奏的都是你
我的日记写满的都是你的名
才发现又另一个黎明

我的日记写满的都是你的名
才发现又另一个黎明
这是我对你爱的累积

I… I… I…… hais. =’(

OMG. Today is like only the second day of his camp and I am like missing him so much.

I just keep sliding up my phone to look at his picture even though I know that there is no new messages, I just can’t help. Arghs.

Feeling kind of uneasy, but I do not know what is the reason. I just don’t like the fact that school is starting soon and I will get to see him lesser and lesser. I had the thought that what if we started to drift apart, what if we have lesser time for each other, is our relationship able to take the test? I simply have no answer to them and I do not want to know the answer too.

I seriously don’t like to study. The thought that I have to start to attend lectures and tutorials and go around making new friends AGAIN just make me feel like start working now. I’m pretty happy and contented with my current life and with the people around me, not sure whether I really need new friends a not. Or maybe even if there is no need to have new friends, I still must go around interacting so that I wouldn’t be lonely. SIGH!

I can’t help but start to worry. Worry for a lot a lot of things.

It’s only the second day. Arghs. I feel like whine-ing..

“It’s ok Amelia, it’s only three more days to go and you will get to see him. At least he called you every night! You must give him more trust!”

but I never say I don’t trust him okies! I just missed him a lot. I know that it is not that he doesn’t want to message me or wadeva, is just that he can’t do it. Like DUH. He is in camp okies.

“So Amelia you must be more understanding ok! Don’t make things hard for him and cause him to be in a difficult position. He can’t choose much also. He is there to make new friends! So he does not have so much time to entertain you ok! Don’t grumble! You should know his position! ”

I know! I really do understand! But I just can’t helped but to miss him laa! Hais.

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

Do you miss me too? =’(

which one is me?

Energetic Doer (ED)

(Just visiting? Take the free personality test and determine your iPersonic type!)

Energetic Doers are cheerful and spontaneous persons. They are charming and full of energy and real persons of action. They keep a clear head and the overview even in difficult situations. This makes them popular problem solvers. Their ability of being able to absorb and process information is phenomenal. Energetic Doers also have strong powers of observation and a keen sense when dealing with other people. They are very perceptive, witty and clever. They have a natural ability of convincing others of their point of view. Energetic Doers live completely in the here and now and make spontaneous decisions from one moment to the next. They love being together with other people and are sensuous, lively and amusing conversationalists. It is no problem for them to be the effervescent centre of attention at a party and they are generous, skilful and good hosts. They do not brood over consequences for long; they quickly grasp all the relevant facts, make a pragmatic decision and enforce that decision vigorously. Should a decision later turn out to have been wrong, one can always make new plans.

Energetic Doers magically attract fun and action. They need the kick – as far as possible with other people. Many representatives of this type have dangerous hobbies or go in for extreme sports. They quite consciously put themselves in dangerous situations again and again. At work too, Energetic Doers seek fun and variety above all. They are bored to death by routine, safety and calculability. Crises are their elixir of life and really bring their strong points to light. They react to new challenges flexibly and effectively. They gain their confidence from their imperturbable self-assuredness that they will be able to cope with them. Energetic Doers prefer practical activities which lead to visible results rather than theoretical fields of work. Endless discussions with colleagues quickly get on their nerves and they do not have the patience for interpersonal niceties. They say how something has to be done and that’s that!

Energetic Doers keep their friends in suspense with their wit, esprit and quickness in repartee. They mostly have a large circle of friends and acquaintances but often remain non-committal in their relationships. They expect a great deal of reliability and tolerance from their really good friends but are also willing to give the same to them. However, due to their spontaneous nature, they always remain a little surprising and unpredictable, also for their partners. Energetic Doers need a lot of space and time to themselves; they quickly feel hemmed in if their partners cling too strongly to them. But if you give them plenty of leeway, they are generous, cheerful and extremely imaginative life companions with whom you can have a lot of fun and enjoy life to the full. They do not avoid conflicts but address them openly and sometimes sparks can really fly. But this is typical for Energetic Doers and, afterwards, they are all the more devoted and loving.

Individualistic Doer (ID)

(Just visiting? Take the free personality test and determine your iPersonic type!)

Individualistic Doers are self-assured and very independent persons. They are quiet and realistic, very rational, extremely matter of fact persons. They strongly cultivate their individualism and enjoy applying their abilities to new tasks. But they are also very spontaneous and impulsive persons who like to follow their sudden inspirations. Individualistic Doers are good and precise observers who register everything which goes on around them. However, they are not so sensitive as regards interpersonal relations and are surprised when they occasionally rub someone up the wrong way with their direct and blunt manner. They are not particularly fond of obligations; but if you give them space, they are uncomplicated, sociable and cheerful individuals.

Individualistic Doers enjoy challenges – action and the odd kick are simply part of their life. They love tempting fate and many people of this type have risky hobbies such as skydiving or bungee jumping. This also applies to their workaday life. Individualistic Doers are in top form in critical situations; they can grasp situations, make decisions and take the necessary steps extremely quickly. Hierarchies and authorities impress them very little; if a superior is not competent, they will have little respect for him. Individualistic Doers like to take on responsibility. They have a marked sense of reality and always find the most suitable and expedient solution for a problem. They resolve conflicts openly and directly; here, they sometimes lack tact but are also very good at taking criticism themselves.

As friends, Individualistic Doers are loyal and devoted; they only have a few friendships but many of them last a lifetime. People enjoy talking to them because of their optimistic attitude to life and their ability to listen. However, they prefer to talk about mutual interests and hobbies rather than about theoretical or philosophical issues – they are not tangible enough for them. They need a lot of freedom and time to themselves in love relationships but, at the same time, they are also very tolerant towards their partners. It happens very seldom that Individualistic Doers fall head over heels in love. They are far too rational. They prefer to pick their partner on the basis of mutual interests and preferences which they want to share with that partner. Individualistic Doers are not particularly fond of effusive outbursts of emotion. They prefer to prove their love by their actions and expect the same of their partner. Whoever wishes to tie an Individualistic Doer to himself needs a lot of patience. It takes some time before this personality type is willing to get involved with another person.

i think i am a bit of both! hoho. i am not sure of myself either. whatever.

因为你是你。。

Yesterday I went to darling’s house. At first we were watching southpark videos and eating pizza. After which we did something really wild, which was like the 2^nd base kind using the whoever language. it is not the first time anyway.

The fact, I do not really like it. On the other hand, I do not have any preferences or objections for that. If he likes it, I’m pretty fine to just 配合 him. I’m those more 随便 people who do not like to make decisions. Anyway, I’m not sure whether what we are doing is right. Sometime it is hard to assure myself. I just want to make him happy.

But there is one thing that I’m certain, I really love him. Much more than I love that soggy or whatsoever. Serious. I hope he feels the same way too. 7 years, it is still a long way to go.

你问我到底喜欢你什么，我当时想跟你说。。

我喜欢你因为你温柔。

喜欢你因为你细心体贴。

喜欢你的好脾气。

喜欢你总是迁就着我。

喜欢爱傻笑的你。

喜欢你常常做什么事都会考虑到我。

喜欢你看着我的那双眼。

更重要的是。。

我喜欢你因为你是你。

因为是你。

你。

no confident!

Yesterday night I chatted with my darling on the phone for like 4 hrs! hoho. Then I realize he felt insecure just as I do cos we had failed in our previous relationship and that we are afraid this time round it might not worked out the way we want it to be. INSECURE! Hope I can give him more confident with the relationship as time goes by.